How To Tell If You're Triggered (Or Reacting Reasonably)

Am I Triggered? Or Is This a Reasonable Reaction?

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this question asked in the therapy room, I'd definitely be able to get a family meal at McDonalds with frozen cokes AND ice creams.

Learning how to tell if you're triggered by the past can be life changing. Imagine having a reaction, but knowing it's not about what's happening in that moment, and actually the past replaying itself. It's not possible to do every time, but if we practice, we can definitely improve our reactions. Learn more about how trauma can manifest in day-to-day life here.

Actual footage of me after one of these moments

It can be really hard to tell a legitimate response from a trauma reaction, because trauma responses can feel very real. So real, in fact, I can recall multiple times in my life I have been absolutely ADAMANT my reaction was only about the current situation at play, only to calm down and think oh, shit... that was definitely my inner child. Whoops!

So, how can I tell if I'm triggered or reacting reasonably?

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself when you're unsure if your reaction is a response to your current situation, or if past trauma is influencing your thoughts and behaviour:

Is my reaction bigger than the situation warrants? Think about how you would expect others to react in the same situation. If your response is more intense than that, you might be triggered. If you genuinely believe your response is proportionate to the situation, you might be reacting normally to whatever happened.

Would others see this as a reasonable response? Think about others in your life, and how they would view your reaction. Would they view it as an overreaction? Make sure they aren't jerks, though, because if they are, we don't care what they think.

Does your reaction feel child-like? When past trauma is activated, we re-experience past feelings as if they are happening now, which can have the effect of feeling like an inner child reaction is occurring. One of my favourite questions to ask in the therapy room is "how old does this feeling feel? Is this a child, a teen, or an adult?". Spoiler alert: it's never the adult. If you feel like your response has a younger quality to it your past is very likely to have been activated.

Sometimes it's the past AND the present

Just to make things delightfully confusing, sometimes it can be a bit of both. You are partially reacting normally to the situation, and you are partially triggered. I often describe this as a normal response with a twist of extra spice. Just because you're triggered, don't write your reaction off; it might be that your feelings are valid and normal, but intensified due to the addition of a trigger.

Find your way back to your healthy adult self

Triggers are sneaky and convincing, they hijack our feelings and thoughts often before we even realise what's happening. Learning to recognise these states and work your way back into your healthy adult perspective is a powerful strategy to manage these responses.

If you found this helpful, the  “Am I Triggered?” Checklist goes into even more detail (and even gives you a a check-box style range of questions to work through at times when you're uncertain).

EMDR is an effective trauma therapy that can help you with triggers. Read more about how EMDR works here.

If you'd like help working through triggers, or using EMDR to rid your life of these reactions, contact me now.